I have been wanting to begin this blog for quite some time but have never gotten around to it. It is to serve as a place to journal things that the Lord is teaching me as well as to document our journey into and through the ministry. So let me take you back a few years.
June 8, 1989...
I was at Robbers' Cave State Park in Oklahoma at church camp when I realized that I was lost and I needed to make Jesus the Lord of my life. My life would never be the same because it was His (or the parts I would let Him have).
Summer of 1994...
I was again at camp but this time in Glorietta, New Mexico. I felt the Lord calling me to missions... nothing specific but I know that without a shadow of a doubt, He was leading me down a path towards becoming a missionary's wife.
A couple of years down the road
I was attending college at West Texas A & M and was an active member of the BSM (Baptist Student Ministry). We were given the opportunity to apply and interview for a summer mission trip. I jumped on that! One of the places was Australia (I have always wanted to go there). Naturally, that was my first choice but it was not up to me. I had to go before a panel who would review my application and interview me to see where would be the best fit. To my utter shock and dismay, they decided not to send me anywhere. I think I was one of the few who did not get to take a trip. I could not understand why and I spent many years doubting God's calling on my life.
June 27, 1998...
I married my best friend and childhood sweetheart. John is the son of a Baptist missionary and was raised in Brazil. However, he swore to me he would never be a preacher/pastor/missionary. What's that saying? "Never say 'never'!"
Fast forward to October 2011...
We attended our church's annual Missions Conference. Since I am in charge of the nursery program, I felt it was my duty to work in the nursery throughout most of the conference. I also made myself available during the day to help out with the missionaries' children so that they could attend the sessions. John decided he wanted to be there for all of it as well even though he had just taken a trip to Brazil that took him away from our sole source of income for two weeks. I did not question him because the Lord had over the years reminded me of my calling. I kept telling Him that it wasn't going to happen because my husband did not want any part of the ministry.
On the first night of the conference, I sat in the nursery and attempted to get the message via streaming video on my laptop. It kept cutting out on me but I knew that the parts that I had heard were exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear. I sat in the rocking chair with a sweet baby boy and just wept. I told the Lord that I would go where He wanted me to go but He was really going to have to work on my husband. Imagine me telling God Almighty that! After the service, John came into the nursery, and after 13 years of marriage, I knew something was going on. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "That was a really good message." He would not say anything else but I knew the Lord was working on him. So I began to pray in earnest.
On night #2, I was able to hear most of the message and it was exactly what my husband needed to hear (I was already on board and the Lord still "needed" to work on John). When I asked him what he thought of the message, he said that he had spent the evening in the video booth and did not hear much of the message. I thought, "Oh, great! He's hardening his heart!" (He later admitted that he was hiding from the Lord.)
On the third night (October 21st), I was able to go to the service and sit with my husband for the first time during the conference. Bro. Wayne Hudson preached and he may as well have been standing right in front of us and saying, "John and Rene', you need to..." We both felt as if the message was only for us. I prayed all through the service that if this was real, the Lord would reveal it to me that night. John was squirming in his seat and I could just sense the tension in his body. At one point, he turned toward me and put his arm around me with his head against mine. I prayed that we would end up at the altar but it did not happen since he had to lead the invitation (UGH!!).
On the ride home, we said very little. The kids were staying the night with their aunt and uncle so that we could attend classes at our church's seminary the next day. So we had the rest of the night to ourselves to talk. When we got into bed, John asked me what I was thinking. I told him that I did not want to tell him until he told me what he was thinking. He said, "I think the Lord is calling me into the ministry." HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF! I cannot remember what all was said that night but I do remember referring to him as Moses because he had all kinds of excuses why he could not do it. We both felt a calling to missions but nothing specific yet. John did not want to tell anyone because he was afraid of what they would think since we did not have a specific place on our heart yet. I wanted to tell our church family so that they could begin to pray for the Lord's direction.
The following day would prove to be especially difficult for John. I believe he was under direct attack by the Devil himself. He felt physically ill and he was extremely discouraged. However, the Lord fought for us. Even the lesson on Numbers in Old Testament History spoke to us. Then our Greek professor jokingly made a comment about us having the correct number of kids to be a missionary. I told John that we better tell someone because everyone else seemed to have inside information. So, he decided to go tell his mom when we got out of class. He still felt discouraged when we left there and there was nothing I could say or do but pray for him (us).
Later that afternoon, he came to me and said that he was going to talk to our pastor. I asked the pastor's wife and a friend to be praying. When he came back, he was lighter and able to smile again. He said he felt better. Praise God! He still did not want to tell anyone else. I was about to burst with excitement at what the Lord was doing in our life.
The next day was Sunday and we were having lunch after the morning service to wrap up the conference. John came to me and said that there was going to be a time for testimonies and he wanted to tell the church but there was one problem. We had not even talked to our children yet. So, we pulled them aside and sat them down. Drew was very excited! He said, "Really? Awesome!" Sydney did not have much to say and Joshua really did not understand. We went back to the gym and John shared our news with our church family. They praised the Lord with us and many cried. Some were surprised but many others were not. They had been watching the Lord at work in our life and a couple of people had actually been impressed to pray for us specifically, although they were not sure what they were praying for exactly. Wow! What wonderful affirmation that the Lord has great plans for us!
We received our Associates degrees in May and are continuing our education through Texas Theological University & Seminary. We are still waiting for the Lord to reveal His plan for us but until then we will prepare. We are so thankful and humbled that the Lord wants to use us to further the Gospel! Please pray for us as we continue to seek His will!
Here is a tough one: what about what we eat or drink? I am referring specifically to my love of Dr. Pepper. I know they are not good for me but I am addicted. It is hard for me to admit that but most days, I feel that I need Dr. Pepper to function. Have I truly surrendered that addiction to the Lord? No! I have all kinds of rationalizations for why I "need" Dr. Pepper. I continue to drink at least one a day even though I know water would be so much better for me. I have recently been seeking the Lord's help in this area. I had to ask myself when my habit became a habit. The Lord revealed to me that it was when I was in college. I was not getting enough rest and I had more freedom being away from home. Part of my college fees went toward my meal plan which included $100 per month in Buff Bucks that I could use at the Burger King on campus. That I did! Every day on the way to class I would fill my 32 ounce WT mug to the brim with that cold, caffeinated, delicious liquid. I would sip on it throughout the morning and then refill it at lunch. If I ran out of Buff Bucks, I could not get my fill of soft drink and would have a headache and feel sluggish until my Buff Bucks were refilled. I went on this way for 3 1/2 years of school and it lasted until now. I would stop drinking Dr. Pepper for a time and then make the mistake of telling myself it was not that bad.